I Wonder. Did I Ever Tell Yer…

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Knew this fella, knew a fella
Old lags in The Boob together
For a little bit a TDA, while absolutely stocious drunk?
Every Saturday after-noon, in their cell
They joshed each other merry hell
Tuned in to Five-Live, lounging on her Madge’s bunk.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 “Kev, we didn’t hardly ever ruck
Life in our Dingly? Sweet as hazel-nut
Till in The Derby, Tottnem miss a sitter
The sarcastic comments, guy lets fly
Set-off a ginormous hue n cry
Turning Spurs fans on our landing proper bitter.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Blimey, if only I tumbled him a Gooner
Would a dropped the loser sooner
T’was him what caused me stuck there in The Boob
Anyways, I cheer on Spurs, despite a slight conundrum,
With, “There’s only one team in North West London”,
Coz as you know, I’m through n through a Blue like you”.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 “So, what landed the pair of you in The Boob?”,
“Well, we’re “Over the water” having had a lube
Tube Station shut, can’t hail a sherbet dab
We stagger in a South Westerly destination
Seeking a night bus to Fulham Broadway Station
A little worse for wear, due to shandy’s had.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Anyways, near The Crystal Palace ground
You’ll never guess what us two found?
An eerie garage rammed with resting double-deckers”,
“Right, we’ll soon be good to go to Fulham Broadway
Hi-jack one of these, we’re right as day
Just see me out son, that done, I’ll pull up and get yer”.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 “Kev, so I see him out to the main road
Where I quickly have it on my toes
And wait for him to pick me up, in the dead a night
But, the hi-jacked double-d flies by
Him waving at me (I thinks) bye-bye
Perturbed, I chase the bus to catch it at the lights.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Banging on the passenger door
Kev, you should have heard me roar?
Like a Banshee, proper vexed at my accomplice
“Let me on, you no good so n so”,
I’m screaming at this hi-jacker, I hardly know
His reply, “Can’t you read the sign son…Out of Service?”.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 “Anyways, I prise open the emergency door
Just as the long arm of local law
Come blue lights flashing, roaring round a hairpin bend
Another ten minutes I swear to you Kev?
That Gooner might have been brown bread
Eejit, displaying, Out of Service, instead of…The Worlds End”.



The Boob. Slang word for prison. TDA. Criminal offence otherwise known as taking and driving away. Five-Live. Absolutely blinding radio sports programme on The Beeb. Dingly-Dell. Rhyming-slang for (prison) cell. Over The Water. A term used by those residing on opposite sides of The River Thames. Sherbet, or sherbet dab. Rhyming-slang for (Hackney) cab. I’m assuming most fans know The Arsenal, or Them Gooners, originally hail from Woolwich Arsenal, over in South London. Making Tottenham Hotspur, or Spurs the only truly North West London club. Not sure if Crystal Palace still play at Selhurst Park, coz stadia names change that often I can’t keep up with them. Fulham Broadway Station, where one blessed with a brief for the match alights, prior to sashaying down The Fulham Road towards the enchanted euphoria of Stamford Bridge! The Worlds-End, iconic sixties landmark, bus stop, and quirky neighbourhood. Brown bread. Rhyming-slang for dead. Eejit. Irish for idiot. Phew! I really must learn to speak proper pukka English, one of these days?


Stay sage. Bode well. Adios ESL.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/i-wonder-did-i-ever-tell-yer/