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The Englishman’s Fear of the Shoot-Out

Graham Salter

Friday, January 30th, 2026

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 You can’t prepare for Sudden Death
Was how we viewed it years ago
So in nineteen-ninety, as we held our breath
We lost on spot-kicks to a familiar foe
And we all ask how
And we all ask why
(Oh Pearce, oh Waddle – so wild, so high)

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Now Gareth Southgate places the ball
Upon the Wembley penalty spot
Which way to go? So hard to call
Some strikes are lucky, yours is not
And we wonder how
And we wonder why
(Poor Gareth trudges back with a tearful sigh)

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 More grief besets us in ninety-eight
As Argentina bars our path
To lose on penalties once more our fate
Elimination the aftermath
And we can’t see how
We can’t see why
We fail, no matter how hard we try

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Two thousand and four, two thousand and six
And in the Euros six years later too
England go out on penalty kicks
The nation can’t ignore this strange hoodoo
You have to wonder how
And wonder why
Our heroes’ spot-kicks go awry

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Put it high to his left, put it low to his right
Don’t hesitate, just shoot, don’t think
Blast it down the middle and out of sight
Or chip the keeper with a subtle dink

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 But first learn how
Yes, first learn why
You can change history’s pattern if you try

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 For Gareth comes back saying “Change the story”
Take your time, get in the zone
Ignore the madness, embrace the glory
We’re a band of brothers, you’re not alone

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 And the curse is finally lifted, England roars
As Eric Dier runs up and scores
Oh happy memory, oh joyful scene
England v Colombia in twenty eighteen!

Notes

This poem is a response to seeing the National Theatre production of “Dear England”,
about Gareth Southgate.
England’s record in high-stakes Penalty Shoot-outs, though far from perfect, does seem to have improved since Gareth brought in a team psychologist to take the matter seriously.

Source: https://footballpoets.org/poems/the-englishmans-fear-of-the-shoot-out/