Ode To All Would Be Footballers Wives ( Re-Visited)
so what’s so wrong about wanting yeah
to marry a big soccer star
and what’s so wrong about shed-loads of money
and shed- loads of clothes and a car
cause you know what you get when you’re sorted
with you nice little footballer man
you get fat weekly wages for starters
that bring in at least forty grand
and the chance to live somewhere in essex
in a typically mock tudor home
with totally footballer furniture
just a nice massive place of your own
yeah cos i need a guy with the minimum taste
and footballers sure fit the picture
and maybe they’re not all that clever upstairs
but i tell ya they don’t come much richer
yeah and i need a guy who goes fishing
or maybe plays golf at the worst
one who dishes out diamonds and oners
whenever he open his purse
one who opens up big supermarkets
and leaves me alone on weekends
so i can go clubbing while he is away
with one of his nice pop star friends
yeah and i’d like to get off with giggsy
or that david beckham he’d do
maybe drive in a roller with david ginola
or lovely les ferdinand too
but i’d draw the line if they’re married
i don’t want no grief in my life
i wanna go far in the sun or the star
but not being chased by some wife
and i’d never shack up with gazza
or jason shampoo macateer
no i wanna live with a nice soccer star
and i reckon that i’m getting there
but theres only one problem that bugs me
and i feel i’m a bit of a joke
its like i’m heading this ball up against some brick wall
because i’m not a girl im a bloke
© Crispin Thomas 2002
Foot(ball) Note
The new series “Footballers Wives”,shown this week on terrestrial tv,prompted the topical re-appearance of this poem.First written after a documentatry on the same subject some time back..it also appears in the Channel 4 publication “Writing For Kicks” Resource Book .This publication accompanied a series of television programmes
on Channel 4,of the same name,shown on October 2001, which we were delighted to be a part of.More elsewehere on this site somewhere soon as our workshop side expands (hopefully?).The book is aimed primarily at 11-14 year olds and has great in-put from Jim Sweetman,Ian McMillan and more.For more info go to
www.4learning.co.uk/secondary
About This Site
Welcome to Football Poets -- a club for all football poets, lovers of football and lovers of (alternative) poetry. Discover poets in every league from respected internationals at the top of their game to young hopefuls in the school playground.
Publish your football poems here and then discuss them with your team mates and fans. We're archived by The British Library, so your masterpieces are in the safe hands of a world-class keeper. What a result!
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Latest Poems
joe morris
3rd September 2024
Denys E. W. Jones
3rd September 2024
joe morris
26th August 2024
Crispin Thomas
26th August 2024
joe morris
22nd August 2024
Mike Bartram
20th August 2024
Phil Brennan
20th August 2024
joe morris
17th August 2024
Rowan Waller
17th August 2024
Alex Saynor
12th August 2024
Crispin’s Corner
In Memoriam
Kick It Out & Christmas Truce
Latest Comments
26th July 2024 at 6:25 pm
Great poem Mike Bartram. Eddie was a legend, affectionately known in Liverpool as, “the first hooligan.” Even the hoolies were well dressed in those days. The amazing thing was he was only 26 when that picture was taken. He’d played for Everton youth team and was well known to the players. He never got arrested. They threw him out and he climbed back in, just in time for Derek Temples winner.
I used the picture of him being tackled to the ground on the front cover of my book, “Once Upon a rhyme in Football.” It’s worth looking on youtube and finding the re-enactment of the Wembley scene. Frank Skinner and Baddiel went around to Eddies home in the 1990’s and acted it out on the green outside. It’s hilarious, especially all the effort they put in to get Eddie sober enough to shoot the scene.
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10th July 2024 at 6:07 pm
Hi Crispin,
I don’t know if you’ve see the picture in social media today…
a picture of a teenage Lionel Messi cradling a baby in Africa as part of a photoshoot…. the family had won a lottery to have their baby pictured with him….
the photographer has just revealed that the baby is actually in fact Lamine Yamal!!!!
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26th May 2024 at 2:30 pm
Hi Denys…
Re Man City:
OK it was 20 years ago but Criag Wilson did write this and a few others on them back in 04/05.
BTW I’m more Forest Green Rover since 2014 (and Chelsea) these days . I drum and am a standing season ticket holder .
Best
Crispin
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29th April 2024 at 2:47 pm
Hi Denys,
Yes Richard Williams you’re a brilliant wordsmith, my friend. When I first saw your football poetry I thought it was the superb Guardian sports and music writer. I once had the honour of sitting next to Richard Williams while at the Independent on the sports desk. He writes about music and sport with immense knowledge and authority. I’ve read a couple of Richard’s books recently. Great writer rather like you Richard Williams the Pompey fan. Congratulations on promotion.
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28th April 2024 at 5:59 pm
Thanks Denys. Yes your replay poem was superb.
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26th April 2024 at 4:46 pm
Nice work, Joe. You were quick off the mark with that! Good one from Richard Williams too I see.
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25th April 2024 at 7:33 pm
Hi Denys,
Thanks mate. I’ll do it now.
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25th April 2024 at 1:56 pm
Thanks Joe,
you might like to write a poem yourself on the same subject…
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23rd April 2024 at 4:03 pm
Hi Denys
With you all the way on the abolition of FA Cup replays. What are they doing to the game?
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23rd April 2024 at 3:59 pm
Hi Crispin,
Yes sorry mate. Villa are still in Europe. Mistake rectified.
Cheers
Joe
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