The Tale of Count Dracula, the Footballer, in 11 Haiku
¶ 1
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Metempsychosis!
Strikers become predators
When the whistle blows.
¶ 2
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Then incantations,
Crucifixes and garlic
Will avail you nought.
¶ 3
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Pentangles and prayer
Are of no utility –
You need a goalie.
¶ 4
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And then you must hope
He won’t get it in the neck –
Pale custodian!
¶ 5
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The only player
To disregard the mirror –
Pale custodian!
¶ 6
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He flies through the air,
But only under floodlights.
He sleeps afternoons!
¶ 7
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Every game is
A vam-pyrrhic victory –
Sail him to Whitby!
¶ 8
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But non-league football
Was like a stake through his heart.
He retired early!
¶ 9
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He opened a pub,
By name, “The Coach and Horses”;
No one went to it!
¶ 10
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He went to night school
To gain qualifications –
A white collar job!
¶ 11
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He is now allowed
To suck the blood from the game –
He’s an acCountant!
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