Football Poets

I scanned my ticket at Selhurst Park,
cranked through the turnstiles
and heard the steward ask,
How many games have you seen this season?
Well, I said,

I’ve been everywhere, man.
I’ve been everywhere, man […]

The miller’s fans have rolled into town,
convinced that they’re not going down.
There’s Azza, Mitchell, Mark and Bushy,
Richard, Mick, Dave; don’t forget Dalby.
They’re a long way south of Millmoor […]

Football chants can be a source of great joy.
I was at Elland Road one Saturday
when the home fans taunted hapless local
rivals Barnsley, whose full back had just shanked
the ball into the stand where I was […]

For the football poet in search of rhyme
EURO 2020 is a prime time.

There are at least two Dutchmen called de Jong,
three Spanish Silvas and the list is long

of Danes whose surnames end –son, I count n […]

The football played by Manchester City
is all about slick passing, possession and press.
They show the opposition no pity,
that’s the simple secret of their success.

It’s all about slick passing, pos […]

This season we’ve been living in injury time
going to games on BT sport or live-stream feed
and watching on aghast as fatalities climb.

Torquay have earned so many points in extra time
because of our p […]

They went thousands of miles to reach Baku,
To watch a north London derby, thanks to
Uefa’s cunning plan to spread their fame
And Azerbaijan sport-washing its name.

Less than six thousand fans in red or b […]

Two (European Super) Premier League
clubs, whose names chime with greed,
contest the (Football League, Milk,
Littlewoods Challenge, Rumbelows,
Coca-Cola, Worthington, Carling,
Capital One, EFL) Carabao Cup […]

It’s not easy being an assistant referee,
scurrying up and down, up and down the touch line,
when there are so many shenanigans to see.

Was an attacker standing offside is the key
judgement you must make, b […]

We need to find a number nine
Before it’s too late, to lead our line.

Someone good in the air, full of flair,
With nifty footwork, like Fred Astaire.

Who’ll press to help our midfield pack
In matches whe […]

Since when did I need to take a bet to enjoy
the beautiful game? Yet it’s everywhere I look.
Betting company logos splashed across players’
chests, scrolling endlessly on the hoardings pitch-side,
o […]

It’s not easy being a live streamer,
not easy at all,

when hapless camera crews seem
incapable of following the ball
or wiping rain drops from the lens
while we can see nothing at all
or zoom so far from t […]

In the Forties and Fifties footballers
looked like the thousands who watched
from the terraces. Short back and sides;
and Billy had a quiff.

In the Sixties and Seventies styles changed,
players set […]

The seagulls circling over Plainmoor
are not bothered about the final score,
don’t care we’re not in the Premiership,
they’ve got their eye on a tasty chip.
Three whistles signals the end of the match […]

Standing at my sister’s bedroom window
I used to watch half the match.
Not a forty-five minute half,
but half the pitch; the Warbro Road end.
The old pop-side-terrace shed blocked
my view of the r […]

to avoid the ‘crowds’ at Plainmoor is a misnomer.

It’s like
reading a whodunit and tearing out the final page;
going to a play but not watching the ending on stage;
going out to dine and not finishing your […]

At the burger bar the cooks grill and fry
while the Yellow Army queue to buy –
chips with a beefburger, cheeseburger,
double cheeseburger, belly buster,
hot dog, or even a local pie.

Perhaps the steak […]

When the transfer window closed how did you do?

Did you get a keeper with gloves like glue
or a stopper with the kick of a tetchy emu?

A wing-back whose clearances all miscue
or an old head who knows […]