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when hapless camera crews seem
incapable of following the ball
or wiping rain drops from the lens
while we can see nothing at all
or zoom so far from the action
we could be up a mountain in Nepal.
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when enjoying such poor sound, plus
punditry so partial it’s funnier
than the late Bobby ‘Rock on Tommy’ Ball.
To add insult to injury, the gall,
they’re charging us £9.99 to watch
this live football.