Football Poets

Homeward, English Soldiers, Gerrard, Rooney, Lamps.
Homeward empty-handed, not all-conqu’ring Champs.
Yet again you’ve blown it, after all the hype.
Don’t hold it against us if we grouse or gripe.

Once the E […]

The cuckoo and the skylark are pouring forth their song.
In pastures green and lush the white lambs skip and jump.
The bustling beaver builds his dam across a bubbling brook.
The jockey gives his nag a lash to […]

We thought that we’d be playing in A,
But found ourselves in C.
Still we took comfort from the hope
We’d bounce straight back to B.

Tough luck, Life’s not so simple,
Our Season went to pot.
Although we’d […]

Eight Thousand Poems Shining

I went into a bookshop,
Enquired at the desk:
“Would I find any football poems
Somewhere upon your shelves?”

The owner drew his breath in sharp,
Shook head from side to side,
As […]

Will you be there in Frankfurt
When we clash with Paraguay?
Will you be there in Nuremberg
To watch us do or die?

Will you be present in Cologne
When we take on the Swedes?
Will you be one of those
Who sees it […]

We’ll soon be off to Deutschland,
We’re getting all psyched up.
And certain fans still kid themselves
That we can win the Cup.

“This time, this time, we’ll get it right.”
Is what I hear them say.
“Make no […]

Bang the drum, hang out the flags and dye your hair bright blue.
Turn a cartwheel in the street, pull on your dancing shoes.
Greet the nearest Koppite with a chirpy nod.
Kneel down on your prayer-mat, and give […]

“The Shots are climbing the leagues
And we’re coming to get you!!”
I must confess I could not help but laugh,
When I first read this cheeky pair of lines.
A team currently confined to the Conference
Coming to ge […]

Imagine there’s no telly…
All games kick off at three.
Three p.m. sharp on a Sat’day,
Just like it used to be.
Imagine hearing all the results
At four forty-five, ooh ooh.

Imagine there’s no Sponsor […]

I woke up this morning.
I crawled out of bed.
Felt sick as a parrot.
Half wished I was dead.
I e-mailed my boss.
I served up an excuse.
I couldn’t face goin’ in to work,
‘Cos I’d got the Bluenose Blues. […]

For the rise in violent crime,
Trains that fail to run on time,
For the closing of the mines,
I blame Thatcher.

For the lengthy waiting list
You must face if you are sick
(‘cept, of course, if you are r […]

Le serrande dei negozi abbassate.
L’appuntamento con l’amico davanti all’edicola.
Il ronzio di un elicottero.
Il padre che tiene la figlia per mano.
La sciarpa al collo.
I pullman in viaggio. Gli autog […]

A bite from an apple one morning in Eden.
The worm in the beak of the ravenous raven.
The undersoil heating to stop the pitch freezing.
The Treaty torn up and the Rubicon crossed.
Three Caravels sailing beyond […]

Here they come again, a horde of visiting supporters,
Swaggering along past my house,
On their way to the nearby Stadium.
All wearing the same Replica Shirt, the same scarf,
Chanting their moronic mantras, […]

Well, at least we gave José’s Boys a run for their money.
When up at Goodison McFadden nodded us in front,
We had ‘em rattled, if not quite on the ropes.
For one sweet, shortlived hour we sang, we dreamed, we h […]

For all the Trophies in your Room,
Or fabled wealth of Croesus.
For all the flowers that in Spring bloom,
Or boundless love of Jesus.
For all the fish that fill the seas,
Or cotton in the fields.
For all the […]

Italians like their Footie, as everybody knows.
The only things they love more are their mothers and their clothes.
And you will find tifosi of every single team
That plays in Serie A or B, C1, C2 or D. […]

When rivers flow from sea to source,
When the cat makes peace with the mouse.
When the dustcart is drawn by a five-legged horse,
And the Cockney can speak pure Scouse.

When Sinners are welcomed in Heaven, […]

The Stadium is but half full today.
(Or half empty, seen from a more pessimistic perspective.)
The Game till now has failed to ignite –
To live up to the pre-match hype.
The pitch is a rain-sodden mudpatch. […]

I pulled on my pyjamas.
I slipped between the sheets.
Set the alarm, put out the light,
Then promptly fell asleep.

And as I lay there snoring,
Tucked snug inside my bed,
Some weird oneiric images
Began to […]