Loudly the guns and artillery sounded, upon our defences the Russian shells pounded, but fears of a massacre proved quite unfounded, for though we were quite overrun, the Russians could only stare at us, dumbfounded by the exploits of one Richard Dunne. He rallied the troops with a rearguard action, cautioned the line to avoid […]

All the world’s a circle, said the poet and there’s a circularity to time. Football can be cruel – and don’t we know it – but then again, it can be quite sublime. Too long now we have played the role of mourner following behind the funeral car. They say the good times lie around […]

Go and see La Scala, is Trap’s answer to those who think we should put on a show. Certainly there’s no exotic dancer among the likes of Keane and Dunne and co. Kevin Doyle cannot sing Nessun Dorma, Kev Kilbane is no Maria Callas. Darren O’Dea’s a reliable performer but only versus sides like Crystal […]

If you’re ill in bed with mumps and you’re right down in the dumps cos the Reds are playing but you are feeling sickly, do not worry, don’t despair for Doctor Frazer will be there to offer medication very quickly. With his camera at the ready and his hand so sure and steady, small wonder […]

The morning sun fell lightly on the boots of Jermaine Pennant, in a lonely training centre in an English midlands town. It could have been him, perhaps, winning international caps, but his team-mates had all flown off and Jermaine was feeling down. At the age of twenty eight, he realised he’d never play for England […]