Feng Shui and the World Cup
Don’t call me a Jobsworth
Just because I shop at Woolworths
For a winter cardigan,
I’ve a good eye for a bardigain,
I enjoy the sweet seduction
Of a price reduction
For a winter woolie
In the shop that folk call Woolies,
And I like the oddity
Of buying a commodity
Whose name is the same as the shop.
But struth I never knewee
That Woolies sold Feng Shui
Cut down by lots of pennies
To honestly
Hardly any
Thing
At all.
In total fee,
Just 2 pounds and the obligatory 99 p!
So I got on the ‘phone
To the wife at home –
She was at the sink –
While I had a drink,
With me mates from the club,
At the local pub,
And I said “Hello darling, cooee,
What about Feng Shui?”
While I imbibed,
I discussed the vibe
Of all our rooms
And how they’d improve,
As will our luck
For the World Cup,
If the telly’s good vibrations
And cardinal emanations
Were positioned harmoniously,
Then they would bring us victory,
Far across the sea,
In the Orient’s Group of Death.
She curtly said “No way!
It’s pronounced foong shway! –
But you’ve taken all this time
To construct this rhyme,
So OK then dearest Stuee,
Buy the cheap Feng Shui –
For it might bring us luck
In the World Cup,
And you’ll write like Percy Shelley
If you get the telly
In the right place
For celestial peace and grace,
And this domestic harmony
Might well bring us victory
Far across the oceans’ length,
In the Group entitled Death.” –
So now you find the bed
In the garden shed,
And the TV set
Is getting wet
In its so-called proper place
In a shady space;
Far from our field of vision,
Is the television,
It’s masked by all the trees,
And the swaying of the leaves,
But we’ve done our duty,
In promoting beauty,
And when our team doth win,
And you all doth sing,
Please don’t think of Sven,
But remem-
Ber Feng
Shui
Knewee
Best.
(I’ll be listening
On the wire-less)
About This Site
Welcome to Football Poets -- a club for all football poets, lovers of football and lovers of (alternative) poetry. Discover poets in every league from respected internationals at the top of their game to young hopefuls in the school playground.
Publish your football poems here and then discuss them with your team mates and fans. We're archived by The British Library, so your masterpieces are in the safe hands of a world-class keeper. What a result!
My Account
Latest Poems
joe morris
25th July 2024
John J O’Connor
22nd July 2024
Denys E. W. Jones
22nd July 2024
Mike Bartram
22nd July 2024
joe morris
22nd July 2024
Gacina Bozidar
21st July 2024
joe morris
16th July 2024
kevin halls
15th July 2024
Crispin Thomas
15th July 2024
Phil Brennan
15th July 2024
Crispin’s Corner
In Memoriam
Kick It Out & Christmas Truce
Latest Comments
26th July 2024 at 6:25 pm
Great poem Mike Bartram. Eddie was a legend, affectionately known in Liverpool as, “the first hooligan.” Even the hoolies were well dressed in those days. The amazing thing was he was only 26 when that picture was taken. He’d played for Everton youth team and was well known to the players. He never got arrested. They threw him out and he climbed back in, just in time for Derek Temples winner.
I used the picture of him being tackled to the ground on the front cover of my book, “Once Upon a rhyme in Football.” It’s worth looking on youtube and finding the re-enactment of the Wembley scene. Frank Skinner and Baddiel went around to Eddies home in the 1990’s and acted it out on the green outside. It’s hilarious, especially all the effort they put in to get Eddie sober enough to shoot the scene.
See in context
10th July 2024 at 6:07 pm
Hi Crispin,
I don’t know if you’ve see the picture in social media today…
a picture of a teenage Lionel Messi cradling a baby in Africa as part of a photoshoot…. the family had won a lottery to have their baby pictured with him….
the photographer has just revealed that the baby is actually in fact Lamine Yamal!!!!
See in context
26th May 2024 at 2:30 pm
Hi Denys…
Re Man City:
OK it was 20 years ago but Criag Wilson did write this and a few others on them back in 04/05.
BTW I’m more Forest Green Rover since 2014 (and Chelsea) these days . I drum and am a standing season ticket holder .
Best
Crispin
See in context
29th April 2024 at 2:47 pm
Hi Denys,
Yes Richard Williams you’re a brilliant wordsmith, my friend. When I first saw your football poetry I thought it was the superb Guardian sports and music writer. I once had the honour of sitting next to Richard Williams while at the Independent on the sports desk. He writes about music and sport with immense knowledge and authority. I’ve read a couple of Richard’s books recently. Great writer rather like you Richard Williams the Pompey fan. Congratulations on promotion.
See in context
28th April 2024 at 5:59 pm
Thanks Denys. Yes your replay poem was superb.
See in context
26th April 2024 at 4:46 pm
Nice work, Joe. You were quick off the mark with that! Good one from Richard Williams too I see.
See in context
25th April 2024 at 7:33 pm
Hi Denys,
Thanks mate. I’ll do it now.
See in context
25th April 2024 at 1:56 pm
Thanks Joe,
you might like to write a poem yourself on the same subject…
See in context
23rd April 2024 at 4:03 pm
Hi Denys
With you all the way on the abolition of FA Cup replays. What are they doing to the game?
See in context
23rd April 2024 at 3:59 pm
Hi Crispin,
Yes sorry mate. Villa are still in Europe. Mistake rectified.
Cheers
Joe
See in context