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So are you going to Scarborough yeah?
Wouldn’t you rather be massaging your hair?
Pampering your egos showing off your cars
Papparazzi heaven and celebrity bars..
Wouldn’t you rather be ‘lording it’ up West
Out on the town and looking your best
Premieres, posh-dos, shopping at Harrods
What do you know about mushy peas and faggots?
And what IS the Conference how would YOU know?
Isn’t IT a meeting with Roman & Co?
And have you heard of it and what do you care
But Scarborough are ready and you better beware
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Now i’ve been a Chelsea fan all my life
Bored friends stupid and bored my wife
Cos I grew up in sight of the lights
Shone in my room on Fifties’ nights
Nights when they’d score four but let in five
Great up front – the worst defence alive
And i still remember nightmare ties
Darlington dumped us but it wasn’t a surprise
‘Cos we’ll give Roma a run for their money
But show us a minnow and we go all funny
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Theatre of Chips now is where you’re bound
Four thousand voices and a sweet little ground
They’ve done it before and they’ll do it again
You guys blow it there-and that’ll be the end
Now I don’t know what it’s like in your world
Big Time, bling-bling caviar and pearls
Cos I went out with a beauty named Barbara
But i ain#t seen nuffing quite as gorgeous as Scarborough
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So if you’re going To Scarborough..yeah?
You better watch out an’ you better beware
Makelele, Mutu, Geremi and Cole
You’ve got the money but they’ve got the soul
David and Goliath or David and Posh
Mill to the grindstone – or bosh bosh bosh?
Are you as good as the Abramovich dream
Or do you only hack it when you play a big team
So batton down the hatches backs to the wall
Or you’ll come back with nothing at all
No more running out in front of forty-thou’
No more chat shows and acting highbrow
No more fifty grand coming in a week
I’m warning you guys an’ the future’s looking bleak
Nothing but shame and deep deep fears
And like the San Siro- it’ll end in tiers.