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Now cast your mind back when a kid – playing footy in the park,
we played each night with coats for posts – until it got quite dark.
And 14:12 might be the score – or the first ones up to 10.
A game so free, we’d score for fun – and without the skills of men.
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Yet, now we watch the greatest league – and marvel when the grand,
run fifty yards and beat three men – then punt it in the stand.
And wingers in that final third – you’d think they’d find the target,
instead they cross it long and wide – or fire it off to Margate.
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Now, to all you football lovers – I’ve got news you’ll want to hear,
I’ve discovered something special – and you all owe me a beer.
As while working on a poem – that explored the modern game,
found I struggled with directives – that just wouldn’t fit the frame!
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The more I tried the worse it got – and the further that I fell,
and t’was then at last it hit me – I’d encountered with a spell.
As both consist of rhyming lines – was why I found a hitch,
thus confirming my conclusion – The involvements of a Witch!
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Now Witches, they are useful folk – but history’s made them tough,
and being used to spoil our game – is really quite enough.
Seems off they went and cast their spells – to halt the coach’s words,
For unless in rhyme, they can’t converse – about “The Final Thirds.”
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Now cast your mind back not too far – at Rooney’s sudden fall,
and when Torres moved to Chelsea – and his skills went up the wall.
It so makes sense that they were cursed – explaining why they failed,
and I’m so pleased I sussed the cause – the reason finally nailed.
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So now a passing game is all we have – the stats have now detected,
as it’s only in the first two thirds – that play’s not been affected.
It robs them of the nerve they need – to cross that last third line,
and hence they pass from side to side – and backwards all the time.
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And this keepers urge to dribble – to show forwards what to do,
thus displaying why they’re keepers – and not playing number two.
Then finally a break is on – a clearance finds a hole.
It’s missed, it’s muffed and always fluffed – my Nan could hit the goal.
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So that’s why players “cross” themselves – in case their spell gets cast.
And crowd songs are called “chanting” – with effects that can be vast.
And why footballers will tell you – they don’t listen to the crowd,
that’s unless their name is mentioned – as their spell is spun out loud.
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Then there’s spells to stop us questioning – about, if a spells been set,
linked with others cast to steer us off – the closer that we get.
And with all this, there hides a key – that locks them till their time,
or the loop hole thus encountered – when this poet wrote his rhyme.