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When Dominic’s Nan Nailed Yer Man.

kevin raymond

Friday, November 17th, 2023

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Drop o’ rare old mountain dew
Silver flask passed twixt a few
Helped keep howling cross field chills at bay
After mass, hastily assembled over The Scrubs,
Cheered on by muckers and close bloods
Deemed a proper pukka start to one’s Sunday.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 These German students, so they say
Apparently primed for affray in their play
Intended inflicting hurt, right from the off,
Angry screams of, “Oi You! Referee!
Didn’t you see that quare fella kick me”,
Provoking fake angelic postures, or a scoff.

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Visiting, The Smoke, on an indiscreet week-end
With her latest in highly questionable swarthy men
Dominic’s nan grimaced at every blow he took,
“Holy Mother of J.C, have ye no spectacles referee?
How come ye, and yer linesman didn’t see?
That big blond galoot, give the child a sly right hook?

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 I’ve a beady eye on you…Blondie
Any more of that, yee’ll be answering to me”,
Dominic’s nan warned fly Teutonic winger
Whom didn’t seem troubled in the least?
Sporting a smile, exposing glistening rows of teeth
Enhanced by that sign irks all nationalities…the finger.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Approaching respite of half time
Racing along a barely visible touch-line
Blonde Adonis seemed a certainty to score
That is till a sly kick in the shin,
By an old one, enjoying a week-end soiree of sin,
Put the kybosh on, like a deft left to the jaw.

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Lying prone on the grass
A discreet kick to yon Germanic’s Khyber Pass
Drew banshee-like screams indicating proper pain
Helping the poor hurted blonde fella to his feet
Dominic’s nan gave his cheek a subtle nasty tweak
Smiling at his hobbling for remainder of the game.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Over plate’s a boiled bacon, spuds and cabbage
Later on that afternoon, after watching The Big Match
Dominic’s nan, proved her prowess as an able bar-room singer
Her choice in men, might have been a long way off au fait,
Who cares? Sure, tis not every day, your gran provokes affray
As yon German winger knows, after giving Dominic’s nan…the finger.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Peace… in Eastern Europe, and The Middle East.

Notes

A.N. Rare Old Mountain Dew. Poteen. Illicitly made liquor. The Scrubs. Acres of public soccer pitches, adjacent to H.M Prison. Wormwood Scrubs, over in West London. The Smoke. Nickname for London. Khyber or Khyber Pass, rhyming slang for, use your imagination. The Big Match. Doyen of, and oft copied, must get home to see televised Sunday afternoon soccer programme. Hosted by the late lamented, proper pukka gent, and Gillingham F.C. fan Brian Moore. Enjoy. Kev.

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Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/when-doms-nan-nailed-yer-man/