Poems tagged ‘London-Irish Football Humour. The Big Match. Brian Moore.’
When Dominic’s Nan Nailed Yer Man.
Drop o’ rare old mountain dew
Silver flask passed twixt a few
Helped keep howling cross field chills at bay
After mass, hastily assembled over The Scrubs,
Cheered on by muckers and close bloods
Deemed a proper pukka start to one’s Sunday.
These German students, so they say
Apparently primed for affray in their play
Intended inflicting hurt, right from the off,
Angry screams of, “Oi You! Referee!
Didn’t you see that quare fella kick me”,
Provoking fake angelic postures, or a scoff.
Visiting, The Smoke, on an indiscreet week-end
With her latest in highly questionable swarthy men
Dominic’s nan grimaced at every blow he took,
“Holy Mother of J.C, have ye no spectacles referee?
How come ye, and yer linesman didn’t see?
That big blond galoot, give the child a sly right hook?
I’ve a beady eye on you…Blondie
Any more of that, yee’ll be answering to me”,
Dominic’s nan warned fly Teutonic winger
Whom didn’t seem troubled in the least?
Sporting a smile, exposing glistening rows of teeth
Enhanced by that sign irks all nationalities…the finger.
Approaching respite of half time
Racing along a barely visible touch-line
Blonde Adonis seemed a certainty to score
That is till a sly kick in the shin,
By an old one, enjoying a week-end soiree of sin,
Put the kybosh on, like a deft left to the jaw.
Lying prone on the grass
A discreet kick to yon Germanic’s Khyber Pass
Drew banshee-like screams indicating proper pain
Helping the poor hurted blonde fella to his feet
Dominic’s nan gave his cheek a subtle nasty tweak
Smiling at his hobbling for remainder of the game.
Over plate’s a boiled bacon, spuds and cabbage
Later on that afternoon, after watching The Big Match
Dominic’s nan, proved her prowess as an able bar-room singer
Her choice in men, might have been a long way off au fait,
Who cares? Sure, tis not every day, your gran provokes affray
As yon German winger knows, after giving Dominic’s nan…the finger.
Peace… in Eastern Europe, and The Middle East.
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Publish your football poems here and then discuss them with your team mates and fans. We're archived by The British Library, so your masterpieces are in the safe hands of a world-class keeper. What a result!
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joe morris
16th May 2024
joe morris
11th May 2024
joe morris
9th May 2024
kevin halls
8th May 2024
joe morris
6th May 2024
joe morris
4th May 2024
Crispin Thomas
2nd May 2024
joe morris
28th April 2024
Richard Williams
26th April 2024
joe morris
25th April 2024
Crispin’s Corner
In Memoriam
Kick It Out & Christmas Truce
Latest Comments
29th April 2024 at 2:47 pm
Hi Denys,
Yes Richard Williams you’re a brilliant wordsmith, my friend. When I first saw your football poetry I thought it was the superb Guardian sports and music writer. I once had the honour of sitting next to Richard Williams while at the Independent on the sports desk. He writes about music and sport with immense knowledge and authority. I’ve read a couple of Richard’s books recently. Great writer rather like you Richard Williams the Pompey fan. Congratulations on promotion.
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28th April 2024 at 5:59 pm
Thanks Denys. Yes your replay poem was superb.
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26th April 2024 at 4:46 pm
Nice work, Joe. You were quick off the mark with that! Good one from Richard Williams too I see.
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25th April 2024 at 7:33 pm
Hi Denys,
Thanks mate. I’ll do it now.
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25th April 2024 at 1:56 pm
Thanks Joe,
you might like to write a poem yourself on the same subject…
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23rd April 2024 at 4:03 pm
Hi Denys
With you all the way on the abolition of FA Cup replays. What are they doing to the game?
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23rd April 2024 at 3:59 pm
Hi Crispin,
Yes sorry mate. Villa are still in Europe. Mistake rectified.
Cheers
Joe
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20th April 2024 at 12:04 pm
Hi Joe
Shouldn’t your title read your poem Farewell Europe England to everyone exccept Aston Villa ?
I know you mention them in your poem , but I do feel sorry for Villa re the national press .
Largely ignored. the hype was was all about Man City & Arsenal with a bit of a nod to the Hammers..but hardly a mention of Villa..
So well done to them
C
.
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19th March 2024 at 8:00 am
Hi Crispin. Chris Sutton on the radio has gone for a Chelsea v Coventry final. As we know anything can happen in the Cup, and I reckon we can go to the final.
We’re still in with a chance of the play offs too, so lots to go for.
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19th March 2024 at 7:41 am
Hey Kev
Let the masses drool over their odds on City v Unted Final, but who knows how pressure can hit.
Cov and Chels will be rightly labelled as having no chance..but hey …stranger things have happened..
so Chelsea v Coventry…that’s the Final for us!
Best
C
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