Football Poets

“What did you get for Christmas?”
“What did Santa bring this year?”
Such questions more than once these last few days
I’ve chanced to hear.

And when I’m thus put on the spot,
I turn all misty-eyed. […]

One year back we were riding high,
Our prospects seemed so bright.
When Carsley struck and sunk the Reds,
Our hopes soared like a kite.

The Gaffer stuck his neck out.
Said we were in contention
To top the […]

“What do you want for Christmas?”
I’m often asked these days.
“There must be something that you’d like,
So now’s your chance to say.”

And when I hear this question,
I give a shrug and sigh.
Allow myself […]

What is the point of living?
Where do we all come from?
What shall we find beyond the grave,
When from this Earth we are gone?

Is there a God in Heaven?
Do damned souls howl in Hell?
Such questions often have […]

In my executive box.
In my executive box.
I put on an accent exceedingly posh.
I sit with my chums and we spout utter tosh.
We sip dry Martinis until we’re quite sloshed.
In my executive box.

In my e […]

Am I not a pretty sight in my Replica Shirt?
My shiny, pricey, gaudy, tacky Casacca?
Purchased a year or so ago from the Club Store.
Knocked out in some stifling Far Eastern death-trap sweatshop.
(Or perhaps […]

I had a lump in my throat as he walked out to the Centre Spot.
To my awestruck teenage eyes he seemed like some sort of demi-god.
His Christian name was Robert, but to all he said: “Just call me Bob”.

Tell me, […]

Onward, Blueclad Soldiers, onward, ever on.
Chests a-swell with pride to play for Everton.
We are right behind you, roaring our support,
And you know you’re rarely absent from our thoughts.

For more than a C […]

Right behind the goalmouth, on the Gwlady Street,
Mates, I still remember that’s where we used to meet.
Diehard supporters, home, away,
We never missed a single game.
But now? I’m stuck in exile, in sunny Ita […]

At the end of the day the bright sun has gone down.
At the end of the day there is dark all around.
At the end of the day you reflect and take stock.
At the end of the day you can’t turn back the clock.

At t […]

Non so che mi succeda,
Che cosa qui accada,
Non so parlare d’altro che del gioco del pallon.
Parlo di calcio sveglio,
Parlo di calcio nel sonno,
Parlo di calcio col nonno,
Sor, cugino e fratel.

Parlo di c […]

Did the sun rise today? It did, of course.
And did you give that fact a second thought?
You heedless went about your ways, I’m sure.
They say a man was bitten by a dog.
Yet none was heard to yell: “Hold the […]

Oh, I’m the King of the Gaffers,
A cocky Portugee.
My team’s on top, we ain’t gonna stop,
There’s nothing botherin’ me.

And I’ve an XL ego,
I’m too big for my boots.
So if I’m not your glass of port,
I cou […]

Why do you try to cheat?
In order, p’rhaps not to get beat?
Don’t you know it is wrong to dive inside the box?
Don’t you know it is wrong to try the Ref to con?
You’d better stop. Let’s see some fairplay, […]

My father’s what’s known as a Gaffer.
He sits through the game on the bench.
And when he comes home in the evening,
He’s covered all over in sweat.

His team wins? He takes all the credit.
They get beat? It’s […]

I went to a bar, and I ordered a drink,
‘Cos my Team had won six-nil and I felt in the pink.
Hallelujah, I’m a Fan,
Like me Da, Bruth, Sis’ ‘n’ Mam,
And if you ain’t into football,
From our house you are ban […]

Wayne Rooney roared up on a top-notch Kawasak’.
One thousand CCs, just think what kind of punch it packed.
He said: “Ta ta, you Toffees. I ain’t never comin’ back!”

Wayne Rooney rolled up on his Two Wheels fu […]

I said: “I’ve had it up to here. Enough is enough.
The camel’s back is broken, the vase overflowing.
Third consecutive home defeat. I ain’t coming here no more.
Never again shall I fork out hard-earned spondoo […]

He hails from Auld Reekie and he played for Aberdeen.
He had a spell at Man U and he won the League with Leeds.
He was Gaffer at Southampton and, I think, at Coventree.
Then he took a break and worked a while as […]

Sunlight is streaming through the windows.
The sky is blue and cloudless. A hosepipe ban is in force.
It is August, the height of summer.
And yet, just a few weeks hence, September shall be ushered in.
Then will […]