Football Poets

I won’t be watching
the World Cup this year, Because,
Well it’s obvious.

There was a footballer called, Stu
Who longed to play Left-Back for Crewe.
So imagine his chagrin
the only offer there’s been
is playing up front for Man U.

I dreamt I won the World Cup,
For the England team.
I didn’t need ten other men,
It was just me, in my dream.

I showed eleven Brazilians
how the game should be played.
I scored three and they scored o […]

I’ve got on my lucky underpants
The pizza’s on its way.
The kick off will be in ten minutes,
If there is no delay.
My Mobile is on Silent
And I’ve turned off our phone,
There’ll be no interruptions
I’m totally i […]

Archibald Anderson,
From East Kilbride,
Supported the Accies
And he always tried
To see them at Douglas Park
But they are no more
To be found at this ground,
Since nineteen ninety-four.
Hamilton Academicals,
They […]

A Monkey in Glenview, *
Whilst eating Irish Stew,
Said, ‘I think I’ll play Subbuteo today.
Although playing by one’s self
Is bad for one’s Health
“For 2 or more” the instructions clearly say.
So when I’ve finish […]

“That’s ninety minutes
I’ll never get back again”
I said, angrily.

They think it’s all over, they’re on the pitch
But I am not really sure,
Why that is, as a games 90 minutes,
And we’ve only been playing 24.

‘Get off the Pitch, Get off the Pitch.’
Was shouted but too no avail. […]

What would my life have been like,
If I’d never met you?
I’d have no one to rub my head
When I think I have the Man-Flu
I really can’t imagine,
I haven’t got a clue
But at least my Lilywhite Tottenham Hotspur […]

Oh I can’t Believe it,
I really feel quite ill.
The Score was Parking Lot one
And Poor Paradise Nil.

Eric the short sighted goalkeeper
Is the best keeper we’ve got.
He may concede many goals,
But he also saves a lot.
As long as he remembers
To wear his seeing aids,
That’s right without his glasses
The chance of […]

11 poets take on the world
Managed by Roger McGough
They send out a challenge to other poets
Have a go if you’re Bard enough.
John Hegley is between the posts
A wordsmith who is hard to beat
The trouble is his n […]

The England Team’s a Funny team they play in Red or white.
They’re full of Skill and top players depending on the night.
They’re the bafflement of England Fans as they don’t seem to care,
When it comes to Euro200 […]

There once was a man called John Terry
Who cried as he really was very
sad at the defeat
but when England get beat
He seems quite exceptionally merry.