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The Ballad of Koller and Doherty

Peter Goulding

Friday, April 2nd, 2004

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “It’s hard to comprehend,
But you have stuck so close to me, I feel you are my friend.
In this international fixture, I can see the hand of fate.”
Said Doherty to Koller, “Yes, I feel the same, Czech mate.”

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “You see the goalpost there?
I used to have a thing for her when I had lots of hair.
I took her on a date and I gave her a little peck.”
“Good Lord!” responded Doherty, “A real post-dated Czech!”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “Excuse my flying boot!
Remind me when the match is done to show you my new suit.
It’s full of tiny little squares and has a greyish fleck.”
Said Doherty, “I’m sorry. I can’t bear a suit that’s Czech.”

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “That time I nearly pounced,
But when you knocked me to the ground, my God! I simply bounced.
I bounced and bounced and bounced, until I feared that I might croak.”
But Doherty said, “Sorry, that’s too obvious a joke.”

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “I wish I was a bird
With lovely purple feathers. Do you think that sounds absurd?
I’d fly away to Mecca where the Muslim pilgrims trek.”
Said Doherty to Koller, “Time to take a reality Czech.”

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “I’ve had some highs and lows.
Injuries have held me back, but that’s the way it goes.
But then again, I’m thankful for my proud goal-scoring record.”
“I see,” responded Doherty, “Your career’s been somewhat Czechered.”

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “My temper is quite short.
Rub me up the wrong way and you’ll end up getting caught.
Watch out for the warning sign – the veins bulge on my neck.”
“They tell me,” answered Doherty, “you should never cross a Czech.”

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “My friend was in the Mafia
Until they strangled him one night with heavy-duty raffia.
He’s encased in a pillar in a building by the coast.”
Said Doherty to Koller, “Ah, the Czech is in the post?”

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Jan Koller said to Doherty, “I like it over here.
The people are so friendly, though the drink is very dear.
Perhaps you’d like to show me round, and put me up as well?”
“Sorry, pal,” said Doherty, “Czech into a hotel.”

© Peter Goulding 2nd April 2004

Notes

Ireland 2 Czech Republic 1

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/the-ballad-of-koller-and-doherty/