Football Poets

The Toffees have unearthed a Diamond,
Playing in the Swedish League.
“Or maybe the Norwegian one?”
“No, Danish, I believe.”

He’s built like that proverbial House
That’s made of solid brick.
A man for […]

Guv’nor plonked a Big Screen in a London Jail,
Inmates gathered round, they had no wine or ale.
Only wheatgrass, tea or coffee they could sup,
But my, you shoulda seen ’em lap that Final Up!

Let’s […]

Until thirteen, disliked Footee!
Perhaps because I played so bad.
Other sports too, the Egg ‘n’ Spoon,
Or weird game played with ball and bat…

Came Pubertee, what did I see?
A bunch of blokes chasing a […]

Well, Peter Osgood was good –
Of Stamford Bridge The King.
But Kenny was more regal,
All Koppites will insist.

And then there’s that skilled Belfast Boy,
Whose family name was Best.
Had he been […]

People try to put me down,
Talkin’ ’bout my Coronation.
Just because I wear a crown.
Talkin’ ’bout my Coronation.

Then they claim I’m far too old,
Talkin’ ’bout my Coronation.
And I cost my weight […]

Will you come to De Ferrari, will you come?
Not a shadow of a doubt that you’ll have fun.
There’ll be thousands in that Square,
If you have some time to spare,
You should come to De Ferrari, you should […]

Let’s consider certain beers:
Carlsberg Lager,
Watney’s Red Barrel,
DD (K9P).
These brews are quite undrinkable.

Now ponder on some other things:
One’s own death,
A Tory win at the next General […]

If you think that hungry schoolkids
Do not get enough to eat,
And you’re a famous footballer,
It’s easy – write a tweet.

If you reckon Generation Z
Enough books do not read,
And you are a comedian, […]

Abraham was set to sacrifice his much-loved son.
The good Lord intervened – Isaac reprieved.
Agamemnon needed wind to sail and conquer Troy.
Iphigenia? A nice gift for the gods!
But some say that a deer w […]

An out of work Gaffer named Sean,
Heard his phone ringing early one morn.
He accepted a job at a basket case Club,
Then wished he had never been born.

They said we were ungrateful,
When we sacked Allardyce.
And now we’ve fired Frank Lampard –
We really are not nice.

But football’s about winning,
We’re hungry for success,
So poor old Frankie had […]

Where are we?
Joint Bottom!
Who we with?
With Soton.
Where are we?
Joint Bottom.
Rip it up, start over again.

Past glories?
Forgotten!
Finances?
They’re rotten.
Where are we?
Joint Bottom. […]

Who wants to lead the Tour de France
Or Fifteen Hundred Metres?
Who wants to head the Marathon,
And seem like a world-beater?

How ’bout top spot in Premiership,
In Serie A or B?
I tell you, in the […]

“They call us Cinderella,
Cos we’re in Serie B.
But I say the Ferraris
Is the only place to be.

We’re playing Cittadella,
No pushovers are they.
So get down to Marassi
At 3pm today.

We’ve S […]

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At the wrong end of the Table,
Cos to win we are not able,
But we’re too good to go down.

Here we sit acrest a slump,
Yet we’re not down in the dumps.
No way, not on your Nelly, […]

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The Lionesses proved they are the Best.
Much better than the men are they by far.
Now here’s a thought that’s come into my head:
Could we not send these Lasses to Qatar? […]

Cazoo and the Toffees agreed to part.
“Great!” I thought, “We can make a fresh start.”
But this new Sponsor deal
Is a Stake through my heart.

Some talk of Peter Shilton,
And some of Gordon Banks.
Ray Clemence and Bonetti,
And others in their ranks.

But of all the world’s great Keepers,
There’s none that can compete
With the Big Fella from […]

End of a stress-laden Season.
Vital points needed for safety secured.
Each to his own –
Relegation for some, but no Drop for us.
Too good, too big, too great to go down.
Onwards and upwards.
Nil Satis Nisi […]