All these things are foul
¶ 1
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KMAS in a shootout,
sudden death,
blatant outfield diving,
players baiting the ref.
¶ 2
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Getting booked for celebrating,
cynical challenges late and high,
linesmen who don’t know the offside rule,
teams that role over and die.
¶ 3
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Foul and abusive language,
teams that play for a draw,
racist and indecent windups,
teams that can’t keep the ball on the floor.
¶ 4
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Fans who boo their own team,
the new “star striker” who can’t play for heck,
metatarsals in general,
the horrible injuries to Cudicini and Cech.
¶ 5
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The yuppie fan with a prawn sandwich,
Graham Poll,
managers who question everything,
that endless yellow card toll.
¶ 6
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A defensive wall that won’t link arms,
players complaing about what they earn,
plastic pitches and astro,
flaiming friction burns.
¶ 7
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That horrible out-swinning corner,
(stay on your line and expect the unexpected),
clearances landing beautifully for forwards,
defensive headers that are wretched.
¶ 8
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Ostentatious mastery of the step-over,
precise textbook crosses to deserted clumps of grass,
one-on-ones which are VERY offside,
that arrogant winger who refuses to pass.
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