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Face Value

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Dougal J. McFrugal,
Who had jus’ turned 44,
Reflected in th’ mirror sayin’
“I’m gettin’ flabby roun’ th’ jaw,
Noo I’m growin’ older,
M’ jowls are hangin’ doon,
But I’ll be th’ bes’ lookin’ chap
T’ play for Haggistoun…”

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 He went t’ a plastic surgeon
An’ said, “I need a nip an’ tuck,
A simple quick wee facelift
Could help t’ change m’ luck,
When it comes t’ attractin’ women,
Vet’rans jus’ canna compete
Wi’ younger foo’ball players
Who ha’ th’ wurld reet a’ their feet…”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 Only two weeks later
At th’ local foo’ball club,
Dougal casu’lly sauntered in
An’ gazed aroun’ th’ pub,
Ladies came from near an far,
Whisperin’ t’ each other,
“He’s so han’some he could be
David Beckham’s younger brother…”

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Trouble is his face sagged down
Within two months, or three or four,
So Dougal told th’ surgeon,
“You’d better do some more..”
His face was lifted once again,
An’ twice more after that,
Combined wi’ liposuction
T’ remove all excess fat…

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 It seemed that good aul’ Dougal
Had fobbed off Father Time,
Wi’ more lasses in his bed
Than George Best in ’69..
But regularly he required
Cosmetic surgery,
T’ iron out wrinkles an’ defy
Newton’s Law o’ Gravity…

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 One day th’ doctor told him,
“Dougal, it may seem surprisin’,
I’ve pulled up so much facial skin,
You’re whole body has been risin’,
One more lift will put your navel
On your forehead, above th’ eye..”
“That’s OK Doc,” Doog replied,
“Wait ’til th’ ladies see m’ tie…”

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Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/face-value/