We’ll start in the Stevie Stone – age,
when people resided in a cave,
led by a Robbie Savage,
who was never taught to shave.
Kenny Sansom loved Delilah,
he was always trying to impress her,
and he was the strongest man on earth,
until he went to his hairdresser.
Gus Ceasar was a Roman,
who never lived to tell the tale,
and when his people cheered him on,
they cried out Alfie Hale.
Alan Knight had a round table,
Paul Baron fought the Picks,
and Tony Norman keeps going on,
about the great team of 66.
The gallant William Wallace,
fought King Edward and his troops,
and many centuries later,
he’d be starring for the Hoops.
Ted Drake of Chelsea used to travel,
across the seven seas,
plundering lands for Gerry Queen Elizabeth,
whom he yearned to please.
He’d bring her back tobacco,
necklaces and pearls,
much to the annoyance
of her pandering Robbie Earles.
The John Tudors were a funny breed,
just look at Nick Henry the eighth,
when Roma said he could not divorce,
he just went and changed his faith.
He wasn’t a pleasant Ledley King,
not a nice Joe Royle,
and when his wives upset him,
his blood would Johnny Boyle.
He’d take it out on the people,
by hiking up the tax,
and then the poor old missus,
like Venables would get the axe.
Craig Shakespeare came from Stratford,
and wrote a few olde plays,
‘ to be or not to be’
is still a favourtie phrase.
There was Captain Charlie Cooke,
who sailed the blue Pacific,
the natives loved him dearly,
they said he tasted — just terrific.
Sammy Nelson won Trafalgar,
in eighteen hundred and five,
with one arm disabled,
and a black patch on his eye.
Steve Livingstone, and Gary Stanley,
you know them I presume,
spent their time in Africa,
where Livingstone met his doom.
Queen Victoria reigned a long time,
she owned a ground in Stoke,
she married Phillippe Albert,
a decent German bloke.
President Abraham Lincoln City,
got involved in a civil war,
and Barry (Lord) Kitchener of Millwall,
got a rough time from the Boer.
The Titanic left Southampton,
bound for the New York shore,
but a tackle by Henning ice Berg,
left it on the ocean floor.
David Connolly led the Easter Rising,
a Peter Thompson gun in hand,
and John Collins continued on,
to try and free his land.
Ian Wallace, Ronnie Simpson,
she seduced the future King,
and Bobby Hope of West Brom,
he hung out with a bloke called Bing.
Stokes Neville Chamberlain, declared war
in nineteen thirty nine,
as hoardes of German soldiers,
poured across the Rhine.
Mick McCarthy (ism) led the witch hunts,
looking under peoples beds,
he must have been looking for Liverpool fans,
cos he said he hated Reds.
Ray F Kennedy the President,
gunned down in a street in Dallas,
conspiracy theorists concluded,
he secretly followed Crystal Palace.
Martin Luther Blisset King,
crossed the color line,
and Gerry Armstrong landed on the moon,
in nineteen sixty nine.
Jimmy Carter farmed his peanuts,
was for the poor man not the rich,
unlike Spurs Ben Thatcher,
who was a right old ***** devil.
I’m now up to the modern day
and my football brains gone lame,
just trying to figure out ,
did Kate Bush ever play the game.
So the History C.S.E grade six,
has finally come into play,
so I’m putting down the pen now,
until another day.