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Jim McColey, the useless goalie

Jon Tait

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Jim McColey was a useless goalie
A player shot high
As high as he could get
And it flew past Jim McColey
And it crashed into the net.
1-0

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 A player shot low
As low as he could go
And Jim McColey dived
But he dived too slow.
2-0

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 A shot raced in hard
As hard as ice at the North Pole
And it zipped past Jim McColey
And it thumped into the goal.
3-0

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 A shot curled like a banana
Or the whoosh of a star
As Jim McColey looked over his shoulder
And it went in off the bar.
4-0

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 Jim McColey was as white-faced
As if he’d seen a ghost
When a shot came a-bouncing
And it clanged in off the post.
5-0

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 Jim McColey’s knees were knocking
Like a man walking on eggs
When a slow shot came a-rolling
And it went in through his legs.
6-0

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 A volley took off goalwards
At the speed of flicked elastic bands
And though Jim McColey reached up
It slipped like butter through his hands.
7-0

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 Jim McColey’s head was spinning
And it just wasn’t his day
As he blocked a shot with both his hands
But the rebound was tucked away.
8-0

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 Another shot zipped goalwards
The crowd made such a din
As Jim McColey missed it
And it bounced straight in.
9-0

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 The next goal was a penalty
And what else could you say
As the player struck the ball
Jim McColey went the wrong way.
10-0

11 Leave a comment on verse 11 0 But then Jim McColey leapt like a salmon
And he caught the ball
So maybe Jim McColey
Wasn’t such a useless goalie afterall.

Notes

Kept awake by my newborn son, I wrote this just so the drone of my voice might get him back to sleep!

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/jim-mccoley-the-useless-goalie/