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Wor Jackie would rightly be put out
The Toon Army en masse would shout, “Strike”
There’d be banners unfurled on the Gallowgate
By loyalists in black and white stripes.
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Shearer would raise questions on Match of the Day
“Er Jocky is some gadgie having a laugh?”
Hansen would say, “It’s all part of the modern game
Al, banning football from St James Park”
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There’d be mayhem, in short mass hysteria
Pledges made to allay home fan fears
Not since Chrissie Waddles mullet of yesteryear
Have the Newcastle faithful shed buckets of tears.
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“Hold on canny lad, you’re a Londoner
And your geography’s way out of sync
The St James Park you say is banning the footer
Is a Royal Park housed next door to The Queens?”
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On checking the story, he’s right and I’m wrong
Football is banned in St James Park
But The Royal Park that’s down here in London
Not the one full of black and white scarves.
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“The Police will stop games as a matter of priorty
They’re deemed some what inconsiderate it seems”
No more Sunday kick-a-bout’s amongst high falutin snobbery
Where young Tarquin and co get stuck in.
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It seems the snobbery are tired of the nuisance
Caused by anyone who’s kicking a ball
Jools Holland, Lord Rees-Mogg and Alan Duncan MP
Amongst others made sure, full time on park footer was called!
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On hearing of the ban a local park visitor
Was fuming and quite rightly put out
“If you’re asking for my opinion it’s sinister
Ain’t Elderly William round here got more fings to worry about?”
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We’ve children obese from too much fat and grease
In dire need of exercise, to extend their young lives
Yet on the instruction of a few nanny state wannabees
We ban football, a game promoting fitness and well being
From a Royal Park, Put politely I’m both amazed and surprised!