Football Banned From St James Park!

1 Leave a comment on verse 1 0 Wor Jackie would rightly be put out
The Toon Army en masse would shout, “Strike”
There’d be banners unfurled on the Gallowgate
By loyalists in black and white stripes.

2 Leave a comment on verse 2 0 Shearer would raise questions on Match of the Day
“Er Jocky is some gadgie having a laugh?”
Hansen would say, “It’s all part of the modern game
Al, banning football from St James Park”

3 Leave a comment on verse 3 0 There’d be mayhem, in short mass hysteria
Pledges made to allay home fan fears
Not since Chrissie Waddles mullet of yesteryear
Have the Newcastle faithful shed buckets of tears.

4 Leave a comment on verse 4 0 Oz would go radio rental
The Tyne would dry up over night
Lindisfarne would put out an instrumental
With Gazza doing raps on Toons plight.

5 Leave a comment on verse 5 0 “Hold on canny lad, you’re a Londoner
And your geography’s way out of sync
The St James Park you say is banning the footer
Is a Royal Park housed next door to The Queens?”

6 Leave a comment on verse 6 0 On checking the story, he’s right and I’m wrong
Football is banned in St James Park
But The Royal Park that’s down here in London
Not the one full of black and white scarves.

7 Leave a comment on verse 7 0 “The Police will stop games as a matter of priorty
They’re deemed some what inconsiderate it seems”
No more Sunday kick-a-bout’s amongst high falutin snobbery
Where young Tarquin and co get stuck in.

8 Leave a comment on verse 8 0 It seems the snobbery are tired of the nuisance
Caused by anyone who’s kicking a ball
Jools Holland, Lord Rees-Mogg and Alan Duncan MP
Amongst others made sure, full time on park footer was called!

9 Leave a comment on verse 9 0 On hearing of the ban a local park visitor
Was fuming and quite rightly put out
“If you’re asking for my opinion it’s sinister
Ain’t Elderly William round here got more fings to worry about?”

10 Leave a comment on verse 10 0 We’ve children obese from too much fat and grease
In dire need of exercise, to extend their young lives
Yet on the instruction of a few nanny state wannabees
We ban football, a game promoting fitness and well being
From a Royal Park, Put politely I’m both amazed and surprised!



As a former kid who grew up playing football in all The Royal Parks in my hood: St James, Hyde Park, Green Park and Kensington Gardens. I find this story totally mind boggling.

Everybody you knew played football in the local park didn’t they? How can you ban football from a park, that’s where you play football isn’t it?
An inner city park is the only green grass playing surface for miles in some cases.

Jools Holland and his ilk should know better, mind you Hollands a South Londoner from Over The Water* (where they’re are some really great parks by the way) and clearly there’s work to be done on his kind yet!

Rant Over.



*Us West Londoners refer to anyone from South of The River Thames,
as her or him being from “Over The Water”. It’s just a geography thing, you understand?

Source: http://footballpoets.org/poems/football-banned-from-st-james-park/