Safe Side Of The Screen
Football is all around me, but only by association. Not something I’ve played
much myself, but always there, through my friendships. In Ireland, my first
home, not so much of the soccer as the Gaelic football. Only one girl in our
class was allowed to play – with the boys! The rest of us stood watching,
envying the rugged Roisín, yet glad not to take part in something so tough
and teamly.
In 1970, aged six, I collected World Cup coins from Mobil petrol stations. In
the heat, Alan Ball’s face shimmered from every other disc. His wife, Lesley
Ball I remember from a more sinister sauce – the Bisto gravy ads in my
granny’s Family Circle magazines.
My mother had table football, a sub-subbuteo. To this day, I’m never sure
why, as the only other boy’s toy she had was an Action Man in training for
the priesthood, knees eternally bent in front of a plastic altar, cold and
naked as he waited in vain for his vestments! Is it any wonder my brothers
became altar boys?
From ‘70 to ‘80, the only footballs in my life were cheesy footballs, a
snack served at occasional drinks parties and other grown-up functions.
Scotland sang briefly about Ally’s tartan army in ’78, but their own goal
ceded to Iran in Argentina made more impression than any other performance.
At my Scottish convent, we were led to believe that rugby was more desirable.
Accordingly, my first great crush was on a flanker!
Scotland again qualified for the World Cup in ’82, and by this time I was
marginally interested, roaring with rage the night they lost to Russia. I was
drinking – legally at last – with a St Mirren player, a relative of the
Scotland squad’s John Wark. (Name-dropping extends no further than this!)
My first boyfriend was, bizarrely, a policeman who charged a crowd at a
football match and burned books at Greenham Common. Ours was a stormy match,
and so too was the next, where my ‘big man’ argued that he’d rather be going
to the match on Saturday with his mate Gordon than spending his time with me.
He never went, though, and neither did he ever take me. I still haven’t been
to a ‘real’ game, though I’ve feared the crowds of Hibs and Hearts, and
later Arsenal, Chelsea, West Ham, and Milwall. Perhaps if I went, I wouldn’t.
I’m told it’s too expensive – now.
The years and the Cups went by, giving way to Euro ’96, for me the definitive
nerve-gnawing moment – my Czech friend was staying in England. I’d once
shared a flat with her in a shoe-making town in Czechoslovakia. Together in
’96 we passed through London on Final day, a London plastered with Czech
notices, its streets running with Pils and Slavic songs. She boarded the
coach to Prague, and I took the train back to Gloucester.
I bit all my nails that night, the night they lost to the Germans.
About This Site
Welcome to Football Poets -- a club for all football poets, lovers of football and lovers of (alternative) poetry. Discover poets in every league from respected internationals at the top of their game to young hopefuls in the school playground.
Publish your football poems here and then discuss them with your team mates and fans. We're archived by The British Library, so your masterpieces are in the safe hands of a world-class keeper. What a result!
My Account
Latest Poems
Crispin Thomas
2nd May 2024
joe morris
2nd May 2024
joe morris
28th April 2024
Richard Williams
26th April 2024
joe morris
25th April 2024
Denys E. W. Jones
25th April 2024
kevin halls
23rd April 2024
Alex Saynor
23rd April 2024
joe morris
23rd April 2024
Crispin Thomas
22nd April 2024
Crispin’s Corner
In Memoriam
Kick It Out & Christmas Truce
Latest Comments
29th April 2024 at 2:47 pm
Hi Denys,
Yes Richard Williams you’re a brilliant wordsmith, my friend. When I first saw your football poetry I thought it was the superb Guardian sports and music writer. I once had the honour of sitting next to Richard Williams while at the Independent on the sports desk. He writes about music and sport with immense knowledge and authority. I’ve read a couple of Richard’s books recently. Great writer rather like you Richard Williams the Pompey fan. Congratulations on promotion.
See in context
28th April 2024 at 5:59 pm
Thanks Denys. Yes your replay poem was superb.
See in context
26th April 2024 at 4:46 pm
Nice work, Joe. You were quick off the mark with that! Good one from Richard Williams too I see.
See in context
25th April 2024 at 7:33 pm
Hi Denys,
Thanks mate. I’ll do it now.
See in context
25th April 2024 at 1:56 pm
Thanks Joe,
you might like to write a poem yourself on the same subject…
See in context
23rd April 2024 at 4:03 pm
Hi Denys
With you all the way on the abolition of FA Cup replays. What are they doing to the game?
See in context
23rd April 2024 at 3:59 pm
Hi Crispin,
Yes sorry mate. Villa are still in Europe. Mistake rectified.
Cheers
Joe
See in context
20th April 2024 at 12:04 pm
Hi Joe
Shouldn’t your title read your poem Farewell Europe England to everyone exccept Aston Villa ?
I know you mention them in your poem , but I do feel sorry for Villa re the national press .
Largely ignored. the hype was was all about Man City & Arsenal with a bit of a nod to the Hammers..but hardly a mention of Villa..
So well done to them
C
.
See in context
19th March 2024 at 8:00 am
Hi Crispin. Chris Sutton on the radio has gone for a Chelsea v Coventry final. As we know anything can happen in the Cup, and I reckon we can go to the final.
We’re still in with a chance of the play offs too, so lots to go for.
See in context
19th March 2024 at 7:41 am
Hey Kev
Let the masses drool over their odds on City v Unted Final, but who knows how pressure can hit.
Cov and Chels will be rightly labelled as having no chance..but hey …stranger things have happened..
so Chelsea v Coventry…that’s the Final for us!
Best
C
See in context